Funny Movie Quotes - Page 9

All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.
        — Marie, When Harry Met Sally

Good morning! And in case I don't see you: good afternoon, good evening and good night.
        — Jim Carrey, The Truman Show

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You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
        — Groucho, Duck Soup

You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater.
        — Mike Myers, Austin Powers: Goldmember

Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people!
        — Steve Martin, The Man with Two Brains

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!
        — Eddie Murphy, Shrek

Charlie: I have to take a pill every six hours or I feel... funny. No big deal.
Irene: What's it called?
Charlie: Advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage.
        — A dialogue from Me, Myself and Irene

And I was just thinking: as much as I really admire your shoes, and as much as I'd love to have a pair just like them, I really wouldn't want to be *in* your shoes at this particular time and place.
        — Steve Martin, Roxanne

Harry Dunn: I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a little rockier than this.
        — Dumb and Dumber

Tom Smykowski: Well, all right. It was a Jump to Conclusions mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor, and it would have different conclusions written on it that you could jump to.
        — Office Space

Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep.
The Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-heck-up! Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now, grandma.
        — Happy Gilmore

Rex: At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?
[points to Napoleon]
        — Napoleon Dynamite

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
        — Billy Madison

Ron Burgundy : Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
        — Anchorman

Mike Donnelly: [On stage making a fool of himself] That's one small step for man!! One giant...I have a dream!!!
        — Blacksheep

Peter La Fleur : [after being eliminated by a girl scout] You were adopted, your parents don't even love you.
        — Dodgeball

Words of Wisdom:

  • Happiness is a station stop on the way between too much and too little.
  • He committed the worst sin one can commit. I was not happy.
  • The men always forget that human happiness is a disposition of mind and not a condition of circumstance.
  • No man is happy unless he believes so.
  • The happiest man is one who knows how to recognize the merits of others and to rejoice at the good of others as their own.
  • Many people lose the small joys while awaiting the great happiness.
  • All that the earth produces and all that is called happiness is only a plaything of fate, what we are, that only belongs to us.
  • There is one procedure to be happy through the heart, and is no sex.
  • Being stupid, selfish and be in good health, here are three conditions that needed to be happy. But if you lack the first, you are lost.
  • The happy man is he who lives objectively, which is free in his affections and has broad interests, the happiness is ensured by means of these concerns and emotions that in turn will make him an object of interest and affection of many others.