Funny Quotes about Children

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
        —Woody Allen

"My boredom threshold is low at the best of times but I have spent more time being slowly and excruciatingly bored by children than any other section of the human race."
        —William Edgar Borah

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
        —W.C. Fields

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another."
        —Unknown

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
        —Roseanne Barr

"Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life."
        —Robert

Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.
        —Ralph Bus

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
        —Quentin Crisp

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
        —Phyllis Diller

Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children.
        —Oliver Wendell Holmes

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
        —Nancy Mitford