Funny Quotes About Dieting

You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say it's a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.
        —Scott Adams

What you eat standing up doesn't count
        —Beth Barnes

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.
        —Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is no need to worry about mere size. We do not necessarily respect a fat man more than a thin man. Sir Isaac Newton was very much smaller than a hippopotamus, but we do not on that account value him less.
        —Bertrand Russell

The 2nd day of a diet is always easier than the 1st. By the 2nd day you're off it.
        — Jackie Gleason

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.
        —Randy Glasbergen

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.
        — Wallace Irwin

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
        —Erma Bombeck

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
        —Mark Twain

Obesity is really widespread.
        —Joseph O. Kern II

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.
        —George Bernard Shaw

Never eat more than you can lift.
        —Miss Piggy