Famous Funny Quotes - Page 20

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
        — Woody Allen (1935-)

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
        — Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)

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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
        — Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
        — Henry Ford (1863-1947)

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
        — Auric Goldfinger, in Goldfinger by Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
        — Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930)

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
        — Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
        — Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
        — Sun Tzu

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
        — Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)