Funny Quotes About Women

You don't know a women till you've met her in court.
        —Norman Mailer

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.
        —Sean Williamson

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.
        —Phyllis Diller (as quoted in Woman's Almanac, 1977)

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.
        —Marcel Achard

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
        —W.C. Fields (Mississippi, 1935)

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.
        —W.C. Fields

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
        —Tim Allen

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
        —Benny Hill

When women go wrong, men go right after them.
        —Mae West

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
        —Charlotte Whitton (quoted in Canada Monthly, Jun 1963)

What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?
        —Ellen DeGeneres (as spoken at the 2001 Emmy's)