Funny Quotes About Women - Page 3

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
        —Lewis Grizzard

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
        —Aristotle Onassis

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
        —David Niven (The Moon is Blue, 1953)

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
        —Emo Philips

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.
        —Mel Gibson

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
        —Groucho Marx

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
        —Lenny Bruce

From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents; from 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash. I'm saving my money.
        —Sophie Tucker

For me there are only two type of women: goddesses and doormats.
        —Pablo Picasso

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
        —Samuel Butler